I Am On The Run From The Corvidae Family Because I Take Photos Like These – Am I The Birdbrain?

I confess. I let my love affair with Cyanocitta Cristata become all-consuming, and placed my life in jeopardy. I cannot go out on my patio without facing extreme danger. I’ve spent a small fortune on arachis hypogaea (street name “goobers”) just to feed her habit, and have been forced to become a prisoner in my own home because the Corvidae Family have a price on my head.

Is it My Fault?
Oh, I admit that I was first attracted to her because she has the largest cerebrum of any lass in her class—and flaunts it. But I think it was the iridescent blue hair, broad tessitura, and soprano vocalizations that ultimately loaded Cupid’s bow. I could watch her preen for hours. Hell, even her melodic name, Cyanocitta Cristata, had me mesmerized.

It Began with Lunch and Soared From There
It started innocently enough. I invited her to a quiet outdoor lunch. It didn’t bother me that she was standoffish and preferred to eat from the floor, because that’s the kind of hairpin I am. I sat on the bench while she fluttered about, reticent and unforthcoming. I thought she was just being coy. I knew in my heart she wasn’t a cuckoo.

Nor was I disheartened by her unshakable addiction to goobers. Unwittingly I became her enabler. I tried to wean her off of them with handfuls of helianthus annuus, even the expensive black oil kind. She would politely nibble, but obviously preferred the heavier stuff.

I Broke it Off, Sort Of
Some days she was very distant; she wouldn’t let me near her. I’d heard rumors she planned to migrate in the winter. Supposedly she’d come to New York to find a singing career, but the competition was staggering. She’d never rule the roost. Someone told her she’d never be able to make her twitter account for anything. That was a cheep shot. But she didn’t utter a peep.

Clearly we were not a match made in heaven, so I began chasing other birds while snapping shots of her from the bushes. That really ruffled her feathers. Sometimes she’d see the other chicks and swoop in to chase them away. She had a scary trill that nearly gave Robin cardiac arrest. And when something catty strolled by, she would shriek, bristle and then flit in to physically attack them. It became too much.

She Began Stalking Me
Yeah, she started stalking me after that. Pecking on my patio door at 7AM, squawking until she’d stuffed her craw with goobers, and then returning in the early afternoon to check up on my whereabouts—it became a daily routine. I was intimidated. I couldn’t leave my roost. She’d perch outside with a sharp, pointed mandible, and she had long, talon-like toenails. All I had was a Tamon 50-400mm zoom lens and a UV filter to protect myself.

Bringing Her Gang to Menace Me
Some mornings I’d awaken to see her and seven or eight of her clan, jailbirds included, cocking their heads and eyeballing me through the window while I tried to eat my cottage cheese and ketchup. They moved with the precision of airborne military and obviously were not strangers to street fights. Frankly, I got so scared that I began to molt.

Compromise
She had her wants and needs and so did it. The stalemate became unbearable. But ultimately I convinced her I was not after her for her eggs.

Finally, her need for goobers exceeded her fears and she agreed to meet me halfway.

Our relationship has now reached equilibrium. She stays on her side of the deck, usually perched on the rail, while I sit at the picnic table with my Nikon Zf and Tamron zoom. Every so often I replenish her supply of peanuts. She and the other blue jays eat while watching me warily. We enjoy our happy compromise.

Feed Feathered Friends During the Summer?
On a much more serious note, is it better to feed birds only in the winter (as I had been taught) or is it all right to feed them year-round? I did a little scratching (give me a break – I’m trying to stick with the bird metaphor here) and discovered the topic is warmly debated.

According to the advice offered in an article that appeared on the National Wildlife Federation website, summer feeding is okay. Others vehemently argue otherwise.

But it’s your yard, so it’s up to you. Just don’t start something you don’t plan to finish.

Me, on the other hand, I have no choice. If I pause the peanut supply, the Corvidae Family (which includes crows, ravens, magpies and other species in addition to blue jays) have threatened to summon massive flocks of pigeons and do unthinkable things to my car every time it leaves the garage.

—Jon Sienkiewicz