Your nervous system is here to protect you. Instead of trying to push through stressful situations, try asking yourself how you can work with your nervous system in order to move forward with more ease and a feeling of safety in your body.

By creating a better understanding of your nervous system, you’re able to understand how and why you respond to high levels of stress — and as a result, become better prepared to regulate your emotions.

Why Feeling Unsafe Makes It Impossible To Live Joyfully

How Your Nervous System Works (A Simplified Explanation)

If you only remember one thing from this article, I hope it’s this: “It’s impossible to live joyfully and engage with people when feeling unsafe.”

It’s through your nervous system that you communicate with the outside world: the nervous system takes in information through your senses, processes the information, and triggers reactions.

Your nervous system has two main modes — sympathetic and parasympathetic (AKA Fight or Flight and Rest and Digest) — and at any given time, you are in one mode or the other.

When you are not in a stressful situation, the nervous system is calm. You feel safe to engage with others, you’re more optimistic, your emotions are stable, and you have a natural curiosity about life.

However, when your brain perceives a threat, it activates the sympathetic nervous system (Fight or Flight) and your body goes into defence mode. Things you might experience in this state are: rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, tightening of muscles, and feeling nauseous. 

Survival Mode

To create some context for you, I wanted to share a personal story about my recent experience with depression and how working with my nervous system helped bring me back to a feeling of safety where I felt like I could move through this stressful time with more ease.

When I was going through a really dark time late last year, I felt like my world was spiraling into a black hole. I had recently moved to South Lake Tahoe where I was thrown into a new environment — right after parting ways with Scott after 14 years of being in a relationship together.

I only knew one other person in Tahoe and a couple of months after I moved there, I started having some health issues in addition to experiencing a couple of big events that triggered an old sexual abuse wound.

There were a couple of weeks that I couldn’t get out of bed and the crying seemed like it would never stop. Right around this time, my lease was coming up for renewal in Tahoe and my niece (the only person I knew in Tahoe) had decided to get her own place with her boyfriend so I was considering getting a one bedroom apartment on my own.

I was on the fence about whether I thought living by myself at a time when I felt like I was drowning was a good idea. Not to mention, winter was about to hit and I imagined myself spending a lot of alone time in my apartment, in the middle of snowstorms, and unable to get my usual nature fix.

I contemplated just traveling around in my 13′ camper, but the idea of traveling by myself in my trailer  — in winter — didn’t feel quite right either.

During all of this, I went on a river cruise in France, and someone on that trip asked me why I didn’t just move back to San Diego.

Honestly, the thought had never crossed my mind, but it must have planted a seed because the second I touched down in Los Angeles — on my return from France — I started looking for temporary studios in San Diego. I figured I wouldn’t find anything ideal because housing has been so extremely hard to find since the pandemic began.

As luck would have it, the first listing I looked at seemed perfect and the host responded to my message right away — letting me know it was still available. Long story short, I found a cute month-to-month studio in a quiet neighborhood in Carlsbad.

As soon as I made that commitment (which all happened really fast) I felt a huge sigh of relief. I told myself I would stay as long as I needed in order to get my health back to a good place and start to feel stronger mentally.

It wasn’t until speaking with a friend yesterday that I realized why after making the decision to move back to San Diego caused me to feel like a huge weight had been lifted. She asked me how I got through that dark time and I didn’t have an immediate answer. The only thing I could trace it back to was when I made the decision to come back to San Diego, things started to really shift for me.

Moving to a new environment with little no support during a very stressful time in my life put my body in survival mode. It’s no wonder I began experiencing health issues!

Not only are we still in a pandemic, but my world had been turned completely upside down — leaving a 14-year relationship, trying to revive a struggling business, experiencing back-to-back sexual trauma triggers, and diving back into travel with a whole new set of fears and bureaucratic hoops to jump through.

On the other hand, San Diego feels familiar to me. I have a support system here, I have familiar doctors, and the location itself feels familiar. Living in a resort town after a place like San Diego is a bit of culture shock even without all of these other life stressors.

I’m not saying moving back to San Diego cured everything, but it did help to regulate my nervous system enough to safely move through these emotions that were coming up and, as a result, make decisions from a more grounded place.

After doing some deep work over the past 3 months in San Diego — with a lot of quiet time by myself — out of the blue one morning, I felt the shift. I was ready for the next chapter in my life and my body finally felt safe enough to take the leap. I gave my notice that morning and now I’m embarking on a solo journey traveling around the Western United States. (More on that soon!)

How To Regulate The Nervous System Out Of Survival Mode

While not everyone can make such a drastic change as moving, there are plenty of small things you can do if you feel your nervous system moving into survival mode.

First, I want to point out that this does take some practice and a lot of awareness. When you’re in survival mode, it’s not always easy to notice it yourself. I didn’t even fully realize what was happening while I was in that state, but thankfully my intuition guided me to the best decision at that point in my life.

Acknowledge

First, and most importantly, acknowledging that you are in survival mode and not over-identifying with your emotions makes things feel so much more manageable. Just recognizing when your behaviors are being influenced by your survival brain is a HUGE win.

Breathe

Our breath literally gives us life, yet we rarely pay attention to how we are breathing during our normal day-to-day activities. Sometimes the simple act of paying attention to our breath can move us from a survival state into a more regulated state.

Slow, deep breaths activates the hypothalamus to send neurohormones that inhibit stress-producing hormones and trigger a relaxation response in the body.

The next time you’re feeling stressed, try breathing in for 4 counts and breathing out for 8 counts. In addition to triggering a relaxation response in the body, it gives your brain something to focus on besides the anxiety you’re feeling about the future.

Scott and I are both trained breathwork guides, so if you’re looking for a little more support in this area of your life, you can book a guided breathwork session here. If you’ve never tried breathwork, it’s a wild experience and is one of the best ways I know to work through difficult emotions.

Connect To The Present Moment

I encountered another angel along my path during my time in France. After unintentionally bursting into tears at a work dinner, the woman next to me hugged me, whispered some very loving and encouraging words, took off her bracelet that said “Be Present” and put it on my wrist.

I will never forget this moment for as long as I live. Things really do feel much more manageable when we’re not throwing “what ifs” into the mix of what already feels unmanageable in the present moment. 

I include a few ways to connect to the present moment in this post: 10 Ways To Stay Calm During Difficult Times.

Self-Care

Some simple self care suggestions include: taking a bath, making a cup of tea (chamomile is a wonderful calming tea), getting outside, going for a walk, nourishing your body with healthy foods, wrapping yourself in a weighted blanket, watching a funny movie, and laughing with friends.

Use the above suggestions or find ones that work best for your body. Trust that you know what’s best for you. If you can, try to stay away from stimulants. For many people, stimulants increase anxiety.

Ask For Help

In survival state, it’s easy to isolate yourself and think you’re all alone. Call a friend, find a therapist, search for others’ stories — do whatever you need to do to in order to feel more supported.

A friend of mine is a health and life coach that focuses specifically on nervous system support. If that’s something you’re seeking, I highly recommend booking a discovery call with her.

Where To Learn More About The Nervous System

If you’re interested in learning more about the nervous system, I highly recommend these books:

The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy

The Pocket Guide To Polyvagal Theory

Listen To Our Podcast:

Myofascial Release & How It Can Help Heal Trauma

The post Why Feeling Unsafe Makes It Impossible To Live Joyfully (& How To Change It) appeared first on Ordinary Traveler.

Can I travel to Spain with my children if they haven’t been vaccinated?

The post Q&A: Can I travel to Spain with my children if they haven’t been vaccinated? appeared first on The Travel Magazine.

If you’ve been hit by rising energy costs and are struggling to pay your gas and electricity bills, it can feel as if you don’t have many options. And not being able to afford to heat and power your home is stressful. However, there is some energy bill help available, with different solutions for different situations.

Addressing unpaid bills as soon as possible will help you get back on track, so make it a priority. You can then concentrate on how to save energy at home going forward, and hopefully avoid more headaches in the future.

Image credit: Colin Poole

How to get energy bill help if you can’t pay your bills

1. Call the energy company

It may feel like the last thing you want to do. But contacting your energy supplier should be the first step. Under Ofgem rules, suppliers must work with you to agree on a payment plan you can afford.

‘It’s really important that if people are struggling to pay their energy bills they get in touch with us so we can discuss their individual circumstances and how we can help to support them,’ says an E.ON spokesperson.

‘As part of this conversation we’ll aim to try to understand what the problem is. We would ask questions such as whether your circumstances have changed, whether you need more time to pay or if you or someone in your house is elderly, or have a disability or long-term illness. Once we have more information about a customer’s individual circumstances, we can look at the ways we can support them.’

2. Ask to pay in your energy bills in instalments

You can tell your energy supplier that you want to pay your debts in instalments as part of a payment plan. This means paying fixed amounts over an agreed period of time. It can be adapted to what you can afford – covering what you owe as well as ongoing use.

According to Citizens Advice, your supplier must take into account how much you can afford to pay. Therefore, you’ll need to give them details about your income and outgoings, debts and personal circumstances. They’ll also work out how much energy you’ll use in future. This is usually estimated based on past usage. However, you can give the energy company meter readings to make it more accurate.

You can also ask for a review of your payments and debt repayments, as well as more time to pay, payment breaks or reductions. Once the instalments are up and running, you may find that you’re still struggling to afford the repayments. Speak to your supplier again if this is the case.

‘If you’re finding it hard to pay your energy bills in difficult circumstances, see if you can be put on your supplier’s priority services register,’ says Alex Hasty, Associate Director at Comparethemarket.com. ‘This is a free service provided by energy suppliers and network operators. It offers customers extra help and support in vulnerable situations.’

Image credit: Max Attenborough

3. See if you could change your tariff

It could be that the tariff you’re on for your gas or electricity isn’t the right one for your circumstances. So it’s always worth asking your energy company if you can change it. There are fixed price tariffs, which set the cost of your energy for a certain amount of time – often a year or more. Variable tariffs, on the other hand, rise or fall depending on the market.

Government research has shown consistently over time that Standard Variable Tariffs are more expensive than fixed ones, with differences of 10% or more in recent years. Unfortunately, this currently isn’t the case, with most fixed rate tariffs being more expensive than variable rates.

It’s also worth asking about dual-fuel tariffs, where your gas and electricity both come from one supplier. These can be cheaper – but check it against the price of sourcing them separately.

‘As a rule, it is better to stay on a default or variable tariff than opt for a fixed rate alternative at present,’ says Alex Hasty. ‘As you will fall under the protection of Ofgem’s energy price cap. We have decided to show all available tariffs on our website, including those you cannot switch to via comparethemarket.com. This enables people to compare a range of prices relative to their current situation. Keep an active watch on Ofgem’s next price cap adjustment, which will be announced at the beginning of February 2022. It is predicted to rise again which could further impact energy bills from the start of April 2022.’

4. Ask to be put on a meter

Rather than dread a regular bill, you can ask to have a meter fitted. There are two types.

• Pay-as-you-go smart meters that show how much you’re spending and can be topped up in advance (or paid by Direct Debit).
• Prepayment meters are usually topped up with credit bought at a local shop or online.

Both allow you to buy your energy before you use it, so you won’t overpay for an estimated reading. However, it’s worth noting that tariffs for prepayment meters are typically more expensive per unit. Smart meters usually offer more favourable rates.

5. Request additional energy bill help from a charity

Some energy companies work with charities. Or have their own schemes dedicated to those who need emergency help to keep the heat and lights on. ‘We’d urge any of our customers who are concerned about debt to contact us as early as possible so we can discuss the support available to them,’ says Christopher Dalley, Director of Back Office Operations at EDF.

‘Help may include referring customers to our partners who can help maximise their existing income and manage their money. We also have a dedicated Customer Support Fund, which in 2021 provided support totalling £2.1 million. It can help with electricity or gas bill debts, and provide essential white goods such as a fridge or cooker.’

Image credit: James French

6. Claim government energy bill help

If you’re on a low income or benefits, or a pensioner, you may be eligible for discounts or payments towards your energy costs. ‘You may qualify for £140 towards the cost of your electricity each year under the Warm Home Discount, which is paid for by your supplier,’ explains an E.ON spokesperson.

‘If you received the guarantee element of Pension Credit on 4 July 2021, your energy account should be automatically topped up with £140 by your supplier by the end of March 2022. If you don’t fall into that category, but are on a low income and in receipt of other qualifying benefits, you’ll need to apply to your supplier. Energy suppliers set their own qualifying criteria in this broader group, and funding is limited. At E.ON, we deal with applications on a first come, first served basis, and close the scheme once the funding runs out.’

Other schemes you may be eligible for include Cold Weather Payments from the government. This is paid automatically into your bank account if you claim certain qualifying benefits and the weather in your area is very cold. The newly available Household Support Fund offers small grants to cover the cost of essentials. Speak to your local council. Eligible pensioners can also receive a Winter Fuel Payment, while those who receive benefits may be able to pay off energy bill arrears directly from them using the Fuel Direct scheme.

7. Consider switching suppliers

While it’s not always cheaper to switch suppliers, doing so may enable you to take advantage of a better deal as a new customer. However, it’s worth asking your existing company for their cheaper promotional deals. Especially if you’re near the end of your current contract.

8. Set a budget to recoup the costs elsewhere

It’s a good idea to record all your income and outgoings so there’s enough in the budget to cover energy bill payments, even if you’re only slightly behind. Try Money Helper’s Budget Planner, which separates your finances into categories and allows you to track your spending month to month so you can see areas where you can save.

If you need extra assistance budgeting, speak to debt charity Step Change. They can also work with you on a plan to repay and get help to pay your energy debts.

‘Until wholesale prices for energy change, it’s worth considering other ways of cutting back on costs, such as with other utilities and insurance products,’ suggests Alex Hasty. ‘By shopping around online and switching, you could save on average £267 on motor insurance and £110 on home insurance. This could help offset the increasing energy bills.’

The post Energy bill help – what to do if you’re struggling to pay appeared first on Ideal Home.